For the past couple of weeks, I have been processing how to put into words what life looks like these days. I know a lot of people are confused about why I’m in Georgia, what a discipleship program looks like, and how my pursuit to know God more intentionally is actually going. And I have finally been able to compare it to being on the TV show “Naked and Afraid”.
For those of you who have never heard of this show, I will give you a quick rundown of what it looks like. Basically they throw two strangers out in the wilderness in relatively dangerous areas completely naked and the goal is for them to survive. Typically one of the contestants is pretty knowledgeable on survival and the other is completely clueless and trying to just make it out alive. They face several amounts of challenges emotionally, physically, and mentally. To make matters worse, the show is broadcast for millions of people to watch. I know crazy.
Well that’s kinda what life has actually felt like lately. I blinked after coming off of the world race and somehow I found myself in Georgia about to dive into things that I didn’t even know about , completely stepping out in faith. Walking through this program often feels like you are naked. I am uncovering thoughts, questions, memories, and desires every single day that I have spent years trying to hide and convince myself that are not there. Everything is exposed. willingly exposed. For me the scariest part is that it feels as if everyone is watching . Everyone sees every part of you and your pains. The things we talk about in class are thing I don’t even talk to myself about because they are scary and raw.
And if being naked and afraid isn’t enough ,I know in my heart that I need to be sharing these thing with my supporters. Which just about covers my worst fear – the fear of others seeing my brokenness and hurt. Hiding hurts is something I have done my entire life both physically and spiritually. I remember growing up in cheer I once got straight up kicked in the face and I took a deep breath ran to my mom and hid my face as I cried into her shirt. So walking through actually sharing this process and what I have been doing in class has been such a challenge specially on social media.
We read a book in class this week and something in the book slapped me in the face. “Pretending is safer than honesty and vulnerability”. After reading this I was reminded that we are not called to live the “safe life”. In hiding things I’m really struggling with here actually is not celebrating what the Lord is doing through me to bring glory to the kingdom. It instead keeps the victories He is winning to myself which is so selfish.
The Lord is slowly teaching me what it is like to be vulnerable and allow others to help and support me so that I might be able to do the same for others on the mission field. I am so thankful for the opportunity to grow in this. I can’t say thank enough the people who have continuously followed along side me and have cheered me on even when it feels like I have “fallen off the face of the earth”. Please continue to pray that the Lord breaks down walls I have built up for years and continues to show me the fruit of being vulnerable on this platform.
In the spirit of updates I am super pumped to announce I have almost met my second fundraising deadline. I am currently still about $300 short of reaching me $4,000 deadline by September 30th. Please prayfully consider supporting me through finances as I continue on my missionary journey. I know that the Lord is going to move mountains financially so please continue to pray for that as well. Thank you so much
With much love… Hannah
